I’ve heard there’s a place where we go to die
It’s a terribly overrated horse-shit shaped hole in the sky
Kick off your heels and come with me tonight
And we’ll pack up your car and we’ll board up the house
And we’ll die for our country though it never loved us
And it didn’t need us these wonderful wonderful people
Will read of our love in newspapers and cry
come on and break me down
i’ll let you ruin my day
flow through my veins
i need a fix
bitter and sick
bitter and sick | one two
"Yeah, yeah, I’m supposed to talk to someone," Kristen nodded, hardly paying any attention to the man sitting in the chair right in front of her. She’d been a good girl, as good as it gets for someone like Kristen at least- she’d been going to all of her sessions, even though she definitely would’ve prefered a lovely shopping trip for a new pair of boots.
A sigh escaped her lips as she looked at her doctor once more, “I get it, okay? I’ve always understood it. From the day I walked into this office I knew that I wasn’t normal and that my behaviour is pretty fucked up, but who fucking cares? I know that I don’t. I’m sorry, but can you really blame me if I don’t want to talk about all the shit that happened during the past years?” Kristen had barely noticed that she had gotten up from the couch and stood now right in front of her therapist. She was about to continue her rant as she heard her phone- and she knew exactly who this message was from, before she even had to take one look at her phone.
"On my way," Kristen quickly typed into her phone before pressing send and turning back to the man in front of her again, who suddenly looked very, very tiny. "I’m off now," she said and gave him her brightest smile before she left his office. Kristen knew the way to Vanity’s and her favourite bar by heart and so it didn’t take her long to capture a taxi and get to the place they both loved for "breakfast" meetings.
"Alright bitches, where is the girl that makes the whole world shine? Well, more like my whole world" Kristen laughed when she entered the empty bar. Almost empty bar.
Vanity occupied herself with drawing on napkins as she waited for that friendly face to waltz through the front door. The air smelled of alcohol and stale cigarette smoke, the surface of the bar coated in something sticky that she assumed the owners had already tried to clean up. The place was a wreck, she thought, someone should say something. She put her pen down for a moment, taking off her jacket and draping over the back of her stool, going back to her hand drawn masterpiece. No drinking until Kristen was beside her.
She immediately picked up her head at the sound of her best friend’s voice. It was like a breath of fresh air amidst the day drunks and their sad rambling. Honestly, those men were beyond sad. “There’s my Honey Bunny,” she smiled brightly. “I knew you’d come.” She hopped off her stool, rushing over to Kristen to wrap her arms around her and plant a kiss on her cheek.
"God, I’ve missed you more than I thought was humanly possible," she spoke as she held on a bit longer and finally released the other girl, leading her over to the bar. Kristen was like her lifeline, and she knew she could call on her whenever she wanted a sense of normality in her life. If they were lonely, they could be lonely together. She snapped her fingers at the bartender, signaling for their usual order. No one else seemed to understand why they needed to be drunk before most people were even awake. That’s just the way it was.
"Well, I expect a long and detailed update on your life. How’ve you been, my love?"
and we’ll buy beer to shotgun
and lay in the lawn
and we’ll be good
And I let you in real slow
and I regret it immediately
and I run away so fast, you fall too deep too easily.
“And I lament, you’re innocent
But somehow the object of my discontent”
The morning sun fell through the blinds of Vanity’s living room windows, the sheer black curtains doing nothing at all to protect her from the rays. She’d fallen asleep on the sofa yet again, the TV buzzing with static and Luke licking her hand. “What time is it?” she asked with the slow of sleep in her speech. Of course the dog wasn’t going to answer.
Begrudgingly, the young woman picked up her head and forced her eyes open, seeing that the incense stick she’d lit earlier was just about to burn out, having left a gray trail of ash from the corner of her coffee table to the floor. That meant she’d only been sleeping for about half an hour—that was hardly long enough to be called a nap.
"Fuck," she muttered under her breath and sat up straight, reaching for her cellphone on the table. "No more all nighters for me." It was a quarter past nine in the morning and Vanity knew she wasn’t getting sleep anytime soon. "I’ll sleep tonight, relax,” she spoke to her dog who had given a disapproving growl. She looked over at her liquor cabinet from her place on the couch, knowing Logan had cleaned her out the last time he visited. Asshole, she thought she she looked back at her phone and scrolled through her contacts, most of them strangers by now—just faces that she’d met and laughed with once, a very long time ago. A small smile crossed her face at one in particular. I need you, she sent the simple text message, not waiting for a reply before she got up to get dressed properly. This person usually knew where to meet her in case of an emergency.
After throwing on a simple outfit and making her hair and makeup semi-decent, she grabbed her keys, a pair of sunglasses, and headed out the door. The early morning almost-Spring air was a welcome change to the smokey haze in her house. She breathed it all in, and smiled, walking briskly to her destination. She hoped beyond hope that her best friend got the message, or this was going to be a very sad morning — and she’d have to flip off the barkeep all by herself.
Dear Darlin' (cover) - Harriet Hill
Dear darlin’, please excuse my writing.
I can’t stop my hands from shaking
'Cause I’m cold and alone tonight.
I miss you and nothing hurts like no you.
And no one understands what we went through.
It was short. It was sweet. We tried.